Unpopular Opinion: BDSM is inherently funny

Let’s talk about the serious art of not taking BDSM too seriously. Hear me out —the play itself is often intense, profound, even transformative and can be very serious at times. Yet at its core, sex and kink are just as funny as they are thrilling. There’s a reason we call it play and not the serious act of BDSM.

2/19/20255 min read

Entangled Bodies and Real Laughter

One minute, you’re sitting on the couch chatting about your day, checking in with your partner if their colleague Karen is still stressing them out, going through preferences, boundaries, etc. and the next minute, you’re dead serious, staring them down and saying, “Little dog, get on your knees.” And they do it. No questions asked. I love that as serious as this moment in our play is, to truly let go you can’t be taking yourself too seriously.

I got the idea for this blog post after trying something new in Melbourne — I went to a kinky sauna club (shoutout to Wet on Wellington’s couples night). In the booth next to where I was playing, a very enthusiastic threesome was unfolding, with one participant fully committed to growling and barking to make their enjoyment heard. It was making their partners and honestly most of the club giggle in delight.
Then, in the middle of our own scene, someone looked at the tangle of bodies in front of them and stated, “I love kink. Look at all these hedonists sprawled out before me.” The room erupted in laughter.

That moment stuck with me. It wasn’t just funny, it made everything feel lighter, more connected, and somehow even more intense. It took away the remnants of shame around being openly sexual and kinky that many of us have grown up with. It reminded me how integral humour is to experience deep, meaningful kinky and sexual experiences — how it breaks down barriers, eases tension and makes surrender feel effortless.

Serious Play, Playful Minds: How Humor Unlocks Deeper BDSM Experiences

There’s a beautiful absurdity in diving into strict power dynamics between two or more consenting adults who just moments ago were debating whether pineapple belongs on pizza. The transition from casual human to all-powerful Dom, eager submissive or mischievous brat can be so sudden and I find that beautiful. I’m very much of the opinion that laughter and lightheartedness doesn’t ruin the experience, it enhances it.

When I first started working as a pro Domme, I was studying at the same time. Many days, I’d go straight from the classroom to the dungeon, transforming myself from attentive student to assertive Dominant within minutes. The sheer absurdity of that transition never failed to amuse me. One moment, I was taking notes in a lecture; the next, I was blessing someone with a well hydrated golden shower. If nothing else, it taught me that you can embody a million different facets of yourself within the same hour — you just have to learn not to take either part of yourself too seriously.

1. The Setup vs. The Execution

The reality of setting up a scene? Not always sexy. The straps won’t buckle, the blindfold slowly moves down your subs face with every spank, the paddle you dramatically reach for was left on the other side of the room. You might think shuffling over to grab your tools of destruction shatters the illusion of godlike dominance but I disagree. In the beginning of Dominating I thought I had to be an out of this world Goddess, no strand of hair out of place, all tools lined up perfectly. I came to realise that bringing my own personality and humanity as well as experiencing those of my sub is what makes me really enjoy a session. As much as I am a Goddess I’m also human — sometimes sexy, sometimes clumsy, always a good Domina.

And the same goes for a sub. Your sub slipping up and not remembering Submissive Position Nr. 5 or tripping over their own feet while they’re serving you is actually a perfect set up — shame them, punish them, laugh about them. Point out how ridiculous them trying so hard to impress you and failing is — they’re going to love it.

2. The Things We Say Out Loud

If you strip away the context, BDSM dialogue is objectively hilarious. Picture two people in a coffee shop, sipping lattes while having a completely straight-faced discussion about “brat taming strategies” as if they were debating stock market trends. Been there, done that.
Or consider the sheer audacity it takes to lock eyes with a fully grown adult and command “Be a good pony for me.” It’s objectively funny, yet truly electrifying. But that’s exactly what makes it so powerful — leaning into the absurdity, rather than resisting it, allows us to fully embrace the moment. Humor dissolves self-consciousness, breaks down barriers and makes space for deeper connections and more intense play. When we let go of the need to be hyper-serious, we create an atmosphere where surrender — whether in Dominance or submission — feels more natural, fluid and alive. It removes shame and fear of judgment while growing trust — you don’t need to act perfect to be a perfect Dom or sub.

3. Unexpected Interruptions

There is no better comedic timing than real life interfering with a scene. Maybe your phone starts playing an embarrassingly upbeat song. Maybe your cat decides now is the perfect time to rub against your legs. Maybe you trip over your own boots while trying to be intimidating.

It happens. And when it does, you laugh, you adjust and you move on — because BDSM isn’t about maintaining a flawless, cinematic illusion. It’s about connection. Being Dominant isn’t about never slipping up; it’s about having the confidence to own the moment no matter what. Being submissive isn’t about being perfectly poised; it’s about devotion, trust and surrender. When you embrace the inevitable mishaps, you don’t break the spell — you make the experience richer, more human and ultimately, more fun.

Bringing Humor Into Your BDSM Practice

Laughter is one of the best tools for building trust and connection. When you acknowledge the occasional awkwardness of sex and kink, it removes pressure and allows both Dominants and submissives to relax into the experience:

It breaks tension. Kink is already full of weird sounds and positions. Believe me — acknowledging even celebrating that weirdness makes it all so much more enjoyable. You’re going to go really deep once you’re not trying to put on a perfect show but you let go to be fully present in the experience.

It strengthens dynamics. If you can laugh together, you can play together. Humor creates intimacy, which enhances trust and deepens submission.

It reminds us why we do this. BDSM isn’t about being the most serious, brooding Dominant or the most stoic, obedient sub. It’s about play, exploration and feeling deeply.

A good session is not about looking perfect to the outside world — it’s about what happens within. Reaching new levels of trust as well as Dom- and subspace, testing out a boundary and going a little bit further than you thought you could, fully forgetting about the world around you and just being in the moment. Don’t let imperfection distract you from what truly matters. A stray laugh, a misplaced hand or an unexpected interruption doesn’t diminish the depth of the experience — it makes it real. The best sessions aren’t about flawless execution; they’re about liberation, surrender and connection. Embrace the unexpected, lean into the moment, and let go — because that’s where the magic happens.

Have you ever had an unintentionally hilarious moment in a session? Share it with me — I guarantee we’ve all been there.

Yours truly,